My quest for...

2008-09-08T14:22:00.003-04:00

Oh how true this statement is... the only problem comes when you thought you knew who WAS worth it only to discover that the one you picked was WRONG. I've learned over the last year (especially in the last year) that my 'picker' is B R O K E N!

So now I sit with the pain and anticipate the aftermath of Hurricane KRAM... I'm gonna lose my dog in the storm as well... aint that just the shit?

2008-08-31T13:38:00.003-04:00

Hook, Line and STINKER

ugh.

ACK.

BLECH.

Dare I say.... ICK?? At times, an unequivocal YES.

I just want to be DONE with this shit now.

As I did my hour of cardio yesterday, I thought to myself, 'Self... '(b/c that's how we ALL speak dont we??)...

Sorry, I digress.

Ok, so, '...Maybe I could just pay for this apt by myself for awhile and then go from there....?? Wouldn't that be GREAT!! ??'

(These are the thoughts I have now while doing cardio... not things like "this is so much easier/harder today" or " wow! I can tell my legs are stronger lately", nope. Just thoughts about my present living situation).

I'm trying to cope, really I am.

2008-08-28T21:58:00.002-04:00

Take the 'L' out of LOVER and its -----------> OVER!!

This is NOT a place I wanted to be at this point in my life... This is the LAST place I thought I would be.... AGAIN, 10 yrs later. How did I allow this happen? Why is it happening again and what am I to learn from this??

The only difference this time around with this particular boy is that we are more civil and I don't have to leave this time, he's leaving. I am not sure that this spot is any better than the other. I still have to find a roommate, we still are in the process of dissolving the entire rel'p and we have to divide the apartment 'stuff' now: utilities, ancillary items. Oh joy! I get to go back out and buy things like an ironing board, pots, pans, glasses, dishes.... It was only 5 mos ago that I GAVE all of these items away to GoodWill (hunting? shoot me now, pls).

I really had my blinders firmly in place last year when I met this boy! The red flags couldn't have been any bigger nor brighter yet I chose to ignore ignore ignore. Pheromones are a DANGEROUS thing for a nearly 40 y.o female. No excuse I know but FUCK! (and yup, that pretty much sums it up). Not even a cute Beagle-Jack mix could save us, ("... it was a cute little black, white and brown puppy who was responsible for us living together"... ouch. And I thought I wouldn't be hurt by you, I thought that you felt differently about me, that you were WAY more invested in 'this', I thought you WANTED to be here with me, ME... um, not so much!)
I wanted things to be sooooo different but again um, not so much....and yes, I learned the ever-so-important rule that WANTING IT does not make it SO.

Welcome to my very own MAGICAL THINKING...

~thanks Augusten ... YOU ROCK!

You concisely articulated

my thoughts way more

beautifully than I ever could ~

My friends thought I was off my rocker and falling down the rabbit hole at this point and I must say, I really think I was...and I think I still may be:

Delusions anyone?

(Alice? ALICE!!!!)

Here I go again (isn't that the title of a bad, I mean BAD easy listening tune??)

2008-08-14T13:01:00.004-04:00

Ever Wake Up With a Song in Your Head?

And No! That doesn't mean I'm hearing voices...

So I'm on this path to fitness... again. And of COURSE Myron's leading me down the path (to self-destruction??? --->grinning). THANK G-D for this man!! He's the only sane thing I got going on in my life right now! My job is a HOT mess, my living situation is a wreck at best, my sisters are both living together in our childhood home again (OMG!!!!), and my friends are ALL getting divorced (that is, EXCEPT for my best friend who has BETRAYED our pact and is now PREGGERS!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!)

Life is TUMULTUOUS!!

But then, there's Myron...! My faithful friend and trainer who waxes philosophical to me at dark 30 when I am laying panting on the floor trying not to puke up my breakfast he has insisted I eat before coming to see him. I know he secretly wishes that I would just BLOW CHOW all over the floor just so he can gloat (hey! it takes one to know one and I feel truly validated when my own clients do it!)

ok... back to work...more tomorrow!

2008-07-30T07:01:00.002-04:00

I Dreamt about Rain, So Does That Mean...

Life is so strange right now... So tumultuous and crazy and chaotic. And NOT JUST IN ONE AREA of my life... one I could handle but every area? C'mon!!

I know things will get better but I only have so much hair on my head to pull out... in the meantime, I'm going to train with Myron (I'll fill you in on THAT drama latah!)

ciao!

2006-10-17T21:07:00.000-04:00

Life is a bit crazy right now...

And this pix really captures the essence of how I feel right about now... breathing... yup, gotta remember to do that!

I'm having a really tough time with the phone right now... every freaking time it rings I wanna throw the thing against a wall!! I'm afraid to see who it is as I suspect the worse EVERY TIME... its CT or KK calling to tell me the inevitable. But so far so good... no drama from my momma... only supportive friends and loved ones keeping close tabs on me.

THANK YOU!!

If it wasn't for all of you guys, I think I would have fallen off the deep end by now...

2006-10-08T10:25:00.000-04:00

I'm BAAACK!!

I've been a BIT busy this summer ... But I'm back n o w.

I'm still planning my photo shoot... it sounds ridiculous b/c I could have taken the pix 17 times already but there was always something: money, time, training, nutrition, and of course mum.

Mum is going to have to come first in all of this right now so my training and shoot will have to take a back seat for the time being. Although I am frustrated by this, I wouldn't consider doing it ANY other way.

For those of you who do not know, my mother is terminal with lung and liver cancer. She was first diagnosed in 1998 with lung cancer and immediately operated on. The docs felt confident that they were able to get just about every cancer cell with the exception of the microscopic cells they were unable to detect. My mother recovered and was still able to use 40 % of her lung capacity. She was to be on O2 for the rest of her life. However, this did not deter her or even slow her down one bit! The woman went out. She drove. She cooked. She cleaned. She gardened out in the yard. And even the death of my father in early '99 could not slow her down. Not until 7 years later...

She was informed in late February '05 that the cancer had come back and was not only in her lungs but had metastasized to her liver. She was given 3 months to live. Again, this did not stop her.

She went in for both radiation and chemotherapy. She was in her mid 70s at this point and had a fierce desire to live! The doctors could not believe the sheer will of this woman! Not only was the tumor in the lungs destroyed by the radiation but the chemo helped keep her up and going for another 16 months. However, by the summer of '06, she began to show signs of the cancer really affecting her. She was still very active in May but when I visited again in September I could see that she had began a rapid decline. Her breathing has been affected by the size of the tumor on her liver and her appetite has severely decreased. She has very little energy and tends to nap most of the day.

I have to say that watching my other parent die right before my eyes is so hard and so incredibly painful. I cannot be with her everyday or even as much as I would like and I resent that my older sister is not doing enough to help her b/c of her own egotistical issues. All I can do is keep on doing what I'm doing and ask for prayers of peace for mum.

Thanks to all of you for your support, love and well-wishes. Keep her in your prayers and I will continue to keep you posted on my trials here in the gym! Thank g-d for my training, however erratic it may be at this point... it REALLY has kept me SANE (well, sort of... grinning).

2006-05-26T16:07:00.000-04:00

FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS RUN DRUNK!!!

Repeat after ME:

' NO COCKTAILS BEFORE TRAINING!! '

But, if life hands you lemons, get some friends together, put those lemons with a lil stoli and sugar for lemon drops and have yourself a party! ((THANKS Lodell!))

Right now life is a little bit wonky but its getting better all the time... ((Due in part to GIRLFRIENDS who engage moi in shopping therapy... INC baby and I'm looking just so damn cute in those outfits!!))

No gym today, no training today... a day at the mall with girlfriends and an evening at the movies with friends....We'll see if the Da Vinci Code can't add something to my evening...

I will NOT let this event pull me down again, too many times down that dark alley ((emphasis on dark AND alley)).

Life is too damn short to play with the wrong people... if you can't get a little bit of sand in your face while playing in the sandbox then your sensitivity level is set a bit too high... life is MESSY!

I've learned a few things though:

Patience is key
Tolerance IS required
Communication is FAR too underrated and infrequently practiced among most
Room for error is necessary among people because we do LEARN from our mistakes (how would we continue on without them??)
Repeating a pattern is just I N S A N E...
My life is too full to take on OTHER PEOPLE'S BAGGAGE (and it shoulda been tossed away years ago)
M i s e r y really does love company and I won't ever let anyone else pull me down
Expectations are simply the quickest way to DISAPPOINTMENT

Always remember:

L I F E IS G O O D!!

2006-05-24T20:35:00.000-04:00

Favorites
I really really liked this so I took this from Edee...

10 Favorites

Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Color: black but slowly creeping the other way: electric blue and PINK... ahhh!
Favorite day: F r i d a y
Favorite Food: SUSHI!!!!
Favorite Drink: ICE cold stoli martini SHAKEN with ice chips, up, three (NOT TWO) olives
Favorite Ice Cream: ben and jerry's heath bar
Favorite Place: any EXPANSIVE beach
Favorite Sport: Basketball
Favorite Actor: Cary Grant... is there ANY other???
Favorite Actress: Kate Hepburn
Favorite TV show: Ok, ok... I still don't have a TV but it would be Sopranos

9 Currents

Current Feeling: restless
Current Drink: soy green tea
Current Time: 8:45 pm
Current Show on TV: NO tv
Current Mobile used: motorola... no clue
Current Windows Open: blogger and outlook
Current Clothes: shorts and a T
Current Thought: why do I still have this PAIN in my neck and how can I afford a trip to the Chiro?

8 Firsts

First Nickname: Pixie
First Kiss: sloppy(him honey, NOT me)
First Crush: Jonathan Terry
First Best Friend: The girls in QH (1975? aaaaaaaaahhhhh!) Tammy's STILL here!
First Vehicle I Drove: Shirlee's Monza and pop's caddy
First Job: Blairs (was there ever a choice in that??)
First Date: Jonathan Terry... yikes, a pattern's emerging....
First Pet: cat named Boodles

7 Lasts

Last Drink: H2O
Last Kiss: The Boy
Last Meal: Italian omelette
Last Web Site Visited: beliefnet
Last Movie Watched: Xmen2
Last Phone Call: a client
Last TV show Watched: American Idol Tuesday

6 Have You Ever...

Have You Ever Broken the Law: um...yup
Have You Ever Been Drunk: 5 days ago....
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: um...yup
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: um... oh yeah and in a compromising POSITION too!
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: sort of....
Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart: unfortunately yes..

5 ThingsThings You Can Hear Right Now:
my roomie's radio, my roommate, my clock, neighbors outside, cars

Things On Your Bed:
The Nick, comforter, duvet cover, plethora of pillows

Things You Ate Today:
healthy bodybuilding stuff

Things You Can't Live Without:
The Nick, books, the ability and desire to learn, TRAINING, self tanner, chocolate, sex, hot kisses

Things You Do When You Are Bored:
read, surf, train, chat (phone), plan

4 Places You Have Been Today:
The gym, client's house, the pool (wow, insular)

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now:
dictionary, old contracts, bills

1 Place You Want To Visit:
GREECE!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

LAID OUT!!

Its official: I finally laid M.T. OUT!!! ((I'm taking the credit here no matter WHAT he says!!))

We trained today (what a NOVEL idea... who'da thought two trainers would think to TRAIN on any given day... and TOGETHER!?? Who came up with THAT idea M.T.??? Hmmmmm....) and it was M.T.'s bright idea to run sprints in the MIDDLE of the day... on HOT tarmac, under the 80+ something degree blazing ATL sun!!

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET LOVEY!

Who's the last CHICK standing??

WHOO HOOO!!! (ok, the gloating is gonna send me to hell, I know but its FUN!)

Needless to say, there WILL be a next time and I'm quite sure it will entail images of blogs past where I'm just about blowing chow on my Nikes...

In the meantime, all's fair between training partners!

2006-05-18T10:40:00.000-04:00

I've been a bit 'BUSY' in da S-U-N!

Ok, so as PROMISED, here I am! I'm sure that EVERYONE (that would be all 3 of you who visit my blog, thank you btw!) has been wondering about the previously mentioned cruise to the 'eastern' Caribbean... the experience was A M A Z I N G!

A 7-DAY CARIBBEAN CRUISE!!

((Its crazy, I KNOW!))

I had a great time on this excursion...no, I did not get spastic (unless you count the last nite of debauchery where I woke up the next day and tried to disembark while DRUNK from the nite before)!! But now, I'm hitting it hard and I can assure you that M.T is ON MY ASS about it!

Just wanted to check in and assure you all that I'm baaaaaaaaack and I'm ON IT!!

Here's some pix for you until the 'official' ones can be taken:

((I'm gonna need some time for recovery here!))

2006-04-23T15:50:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh...

~ I N S P I R A T I O N ~

So I've been MIA as of late...

I needed just a little bit o' inspiration to sit down and write anther blog...

As it was, Tommy was in my INBOX today!

Inspiration enough??

HELL YES!!

Eventhough I've been missing from my normal 'quippy' weekly entries, I've STILL been training H A R D with M.T. these past few weeks!

And the pix are still expected to take place in another few weeks (this coming on the heels of my anticipated virgin 'cruise' to the eastern caribbean next week... diet?? WHAT diet??)

Let's see how well I am able to maintain! I'm hoping for some consistency while on the ship (and no! I'm not talking about drinking AND being drunk ALL THE TIME! altho I know a few friends who would dispute this last statement with me~

I'm trying to make this last week here a GREAT one with M.T. as my training and nutrition while on vaca will be erratic at best.

I'll keep you posted AND I'll come back with pix!

2006-03-17T14:24:00.000-05:00

I AM SOOOO ON THIS...
((RIGHT AFTER MY NAP!!))

Oh my... yeah, and MY too! MyTy to be more precise!! That man is incorrigible when it comes to NEVER-ENDING DRIVE and motivation ((and thank g-d for that as I need my A S S kicked in order to stay on track... girl scout cookie season and ALL THAT!!))

But after today's training session... I REALLY, R E A L L Y, REALLY NEED A NAP!!

MyTy had me on the BAG for 90% of the session ((now, to give him credit where its due, he was RIGHT beside me throwing punch for punch and kick for kick... well, maybe a few more than I was)) . The marathon of 20 SOLID minutes on the bag (('I expect you to move it around the room' )) at the END of the session was just part of the piece de resistance. Running the stairs (the WHOLE stairs) and jogging around the shopping center was really the pinnacle of today's session!

BRING IT!!

((I'll be ready.... just give me a moment to LAY DOWN or maybe instead of a 'moment' I'll be NEEDING the rest of the day for couch time)).

I'm here to tell you...honestly, there is not ONE part of my body that is not screaming in agony at this very moment... even typing has become tedious and torturous!

Ok, I'm sucking it up as we speak... But My, I hope to HELL you are feeling the effects as well!!

Despite all my kvetching, today was truly KILLAH and I'm sooo stoked to get into our next venture in fitness pain!

WHOO HOO!

((who says trainers are ONLY comprised of a sadistic side....??))

2006-03-15T21:26:00.000-05:00

MASTERS

AND

MENTORS...

Again, I'm off the porch and PLAYING IN THE YARD!! What an INCREDIBLE DAY! How do I even begin to descibe THIS one but to say that I saw things today that I never thought I'd ever have the opportunity to see...

As for MyTy... well, this 6'4", 200-something man was able not only to hang by his knees and perform inverted crunches while weilding a 25 lb weight but he was able to perform plyos with such ease, such effortless grace that the image of a master athlete is the only analogy which will suffice. He was able to jump onto a platform which was easily 4 feet high from a dead stance!! Talk about fast twitch!

Then there's Ron....I saw Ron FLY through the air and firmly place his feet on a platform that was well over half as tall as he was! And when I say fly, this man actually FLOATED onto the platform while performing these plyometrics... F L O A T E D... I'm telling you! ((I promise to provide true-to-life pix of these guys VERY soon but for now suffice with the above images as THESE are what I see when I look in their direction!))

I was just happy to be invited along just to catalogue the day, let alone to be invited to participate!

WHAT A RUSH!! ((wonder what's next on the docket... can NOT wait to see!!))

2006-02-24T21:52:00.000-05:00

I am officially

OFF the porch

and

PLAYING WITH THE BIG DOGS!!

What a RUSH to be able to train with both MyTy AND Ron!!
How did I ever get the mere P-R-I-V-I-L-E-G-E to be invited to THAT party...
WHEW!!

It was a struggle just to keep up but I made my attempt at keeping it real AND keeping it fresh. It was ALL I could do to maintain my focus as I watched pure energy and PURE ANATOMICAL POETRY right before my eyes with every rep and every move!!

THESE GUYS WERE
PURE PUUURRRRRFECTION!!!
I am looking forward to each successive moment in the gym... I am so incredibly stoked, so excited, so honored to be training with MyTy!!

~To be INVITED!!

Allowed into his inner sanctum... the world of wisdom...

Until next time... Just keep breathing!

2006-02-19T22:53:00.000-05:00

IT'S OLD BUT IT'S DEFINITELY NEW

How is it that our brains seemingly 'forget'... forgets pain, forgets problems, forgets the strife it went through just 24 hours before?? Are we destined to repeat it once more? How do we strive to avoid reliving the pain while trying to create new experiences?

IS THAT POSSIBLE??

((of course, we may as well take squatting out of the equation altogether dontchathink???))

That which feels comfortable to us becomes an experience we are drawn to again and again and again....yet, as dynamic beings, we dichotomously reject growth and change only to become mired in our pain, our 'sameness', day in and day out... as a result, we bitch, moan and complain about our stife.

SELF-INFLICTED AND SELF-IMPOSED no less!!

How do we break the cycle?

How do we foster growth??

2006-02-13T07:27:00.000-05:00

Praying Blindly to The MT. Once MORE!

Ahhhh.... another day with MyTy... How could I NOT have a clear head and an OPEN heart after being with him!! It allowed me time to reflect... ok, so maybe not so much 'reflection' but maybe I was more 'focused'....The most frequent thought that crossed my brain was 'I'M SO NAUSEOUS!!!!' ack, ack, ack!! Let's just say he got me OUTTA myself for a mere 2 hours and what a relief it WAS!!!

((Edee... your offer woulda helped too but I can't hop a plane every other nite ya know! BIG SMOOCH))

So now I'm off and running again. My training is BACK and I've got MyTy by my side... whoooooo hoooo!! My S-T-R-E-S-S is so much lower!

Wanna know WHY???

Could it possibly be due to my ability to TOSS that lil ol' 275 LBs offa my back???

What a CATHARTIC effect that had for me!!

I would have done THAT months ago had I known that I would have felt sooooooooooo damn good!! Hmmm.... turns it that "weight" was more of an anchor than a rock, come to think of it... you know the kind: it WEIGHS you down instead of lifting you up.

The change is gonna do me good!

Well, I'm back to feeling blissful, buoyant and BEAUTIFUL! (a work in progress can not be denied right??)

For all of you reading: THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

2006-02-11T00:02:00.001-05:00

ERASE, ERASE, ERASE!!!

Anyone know how to erase months of your life with a sweep of your hand or with a visit to the doctor?

Help!! I need to change my course?? I realize that I allowed myself to be strategically sold a bill of goods by a mendacious salesman and I've been traversing this path for the last 6 months!

I seem to have lost my MoJo ... how do I regain it?? I want to find my P O S I T I V E VIBE again! I've been weighed down by so MUCH negativity for the last 6 months....any suggestions for regaining it all?

Maybe a cruise would make me feel better.... ALL EXPENSES paid... hmmm... wonder how I can get aboard?! Although, come to think of it, I may be better off to simply 'jump ship' right now and save what shreds I still possess...

2006-02-06T18:31:00.000-05:00

...The Change is Gonna Do Me GOOD!!!
So here I am... one door SLAMS SHUT and another one gently creaks open... This particular door may not even be the one I would have chosen at this time in my life but then, who KNEW that EVERYTHING I held near and dear to me (one exception: THE NICK) was going to be completely juxtaposed or obliterated in a matter of A MONTH!???
C'mon people!! I only have so much tolerance and THIS is REALLY pushing it!
But, to quote good ol' Elton:
"...looking for an answer trying to find a sign...like trying to find gold in a silver mine...how can you stay when your heart says no...how can you stop when your feet say go."
I cannot stop it, any of it....as it all shreds before my eyes.
I have my friends (pix at right), my training and of course, MYTY!! I continue to live by the big three... funny how QUICKLY one can pare down one's life in just a matter of moments. I can now truly see what is important (seperating the wheat from the chaff?)
I wish others could embrace change as well... Ok, let's be honest here, I didn't really embrace "CHANGE" as much as have it lobbed at me like an over-active tennis ball machine pitching balls over the net 12 at a time!
...the change is gonna do me good!

2006-01-24T18:16:00.000-05:00

Ever Have THOSE Days When...

It just feels as though NOTHING you are doing is turning out right?? You begin to QUESTION EVERYTHING that you are doing?? That EVERYTHING that is going on around you and going on in your life is causing excessive aggravation, frustration and immense amount of pain to you??

Yup, that's me right now... I am not hitting on ANY cylinder let alone all cylinders together at once!

This is a night to blow off the gym (yup, I just said that!!) and go hide my head in a movie...

Popcorn and pity-party anyone??? SHHHHHHHHHH... don't tell MyTy!!!

2006-01-17T06:30:00.000-05:00

Two roads diverged in a wood, and

I - I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

~ Robert Frost

Why do most folks take the road MOST traveled?? It makes no sense to me... and imagine HOW BORING it must be!! Then there are those folks who claim to be UNABLE ((when in fact, they are "UNWILLING")) to change and grow so they remain firmly entrenched in the same spot they have been their whole entire life. Again, not only boring but incredibly TRAGIC to me...

I'm going for C H A N G E!!

2006-01-15T10:32:00.000-05:00

G R A T I T U D E

I realized this weekend that I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many things and people to be grateful for. But I don't often bring that into my conscious arena... I may allow the thought to pass across my brain briefly and then let it go. Today I am beginning a new journey... one that will accompany my quest. This one is mental, not physical.

After having the incredible opportunity to train with MyTy, I began more research on happiness...

WHAT makes us HAPPY?

((If you are curious, research 'Martin Seligman, PhD.' and 'authentic happiness'))

So here are a few things that I want to list today because they make me HAPPY!

My health, my love of fitness/bodybuilding, my ability to train, my training goals!
My friends near and far...((even the ones who get sick and end up in Northside))
MYTY!!!!!!!!!!!
My 'functionally-challenged' family
THE Nick
People who enter my life and allow me the oppty to LEARN from our interactions!

Thanks for stopping by... there's still much more to come!

2006-01-11T22:25:00.000-05:00

Oh, I'm WORKING on it....

And tonite I was allotted a moment of sheer focus, intense and pure to aid me in my work!!

I hafta tell you that tonite, TONITE I was invited to train with My. The beauty of this moment was simply BEING in the moment... being able to work with him... being able to sweat along side of him and to share in his personal motivation.

You see, one of my most dominant obstacle currently is: ME! But, working with My has become my gift to myself in assisting to break those patterns of self doubt and negative thought.

WOW!!!

Tonite I was blown away... watching him, seeing him go waaaaaaaaaay down deep inside to tap into his stores of motivation, drive and determination!! He made each set, each REP look EFFORTLESS!!! (( and that's not to mention how the set of plyos at the END of the nite turned out... he was still able to get sooooooooooo much height it was almost unconceivable!!))

Tonite was really an epiphany...I am so amped! I am so ready!! I am so recharged after tonite: I've been to the mountain and I can definitely say it MOVES!!

2006-01-10T07:15:00.000-05:00

Kiss 2005 GOOD-BYE!

So Looking back on 2005 and the time I spent invested in the gym and in fitness, I realize that my choices continue to be refined...THANK G-D!!

I started training last year with a man who I thought was a good trainer, only to find out that he possessed the attitude like so many other trainers who look at the client as ONLY a 'meal ticket'. He cared nothing for my goals, my abilities or my weaknesses. And in the end, he left me high and dry without even so much as a phone call!!

The second trainer I worked with was what I would call a little more than green... he possessed the drive to become a great trainer someday and surrounded himself with great pieces of knowledge but it was difficult to put my total trust in someone who I also felt the obligation to 'teach' during my training sessions...

Finally... there's MyTy!! The man is a g-dsend!! Our principles are so closely aligned that its almost a pleasure to be put in sooooooooooo much pain each week! His drive and determination to help me reach my goals and his knowledge of our profession is only surpassed by his principles, ethics and values.

I am happy and excited about entering 2006 with My by my side cheering me on~

((My... are you blushing yet??))

2005-12-28T14:09:00.000-05:00

Why is it there there MUST be pain involved in EVERYTHING we do which is to eventually elicit the perfect outcome?

What exactly is that about??

This pain is making me whiney... and the above pix is an example of what I looked like this very morning while attempting to eat my oatmeal after training with MT. But hey, its not bothering ME any although you can bet your ASS it's beginning to bug all those around me!

Thanks MT... You're the best!

2005-12-14T18:04:00.000-05:00

OH!! THE PAIN!!

What was I thinking when I said I wanted to venture into this particular arena of PAIN???

Anybody? Anybody??

Well, lemme tell you... I was not thinking of the pain I would be put through in my quest... I can tell you THAT! This morning, I dutifully trotted behind my trainer with all the zest and glee of a 7 year old going to the zoo! Little did I know the torturous, treacherous training he had in mind for me this morning.

I have ONE word for you guys: LEGS!

Allow me to describe what I was feeling... let me paint a picture for you. We'll take machine squats ok? This was 3/4 of the way through my workout and suffice it to say, I was already pretty 'krispy' at this point. Myron decided that 225lbs was a MODERATE weight for me to pump out 20 reps.

Question: did he not recognize that I had already completed a number of exercises which taxed virtually all of my glycogen stores and was already working to burn my remaining functioning fibers to a smoldering crisp? Nah! (oh the faith of trainers... aint it GRAND!?!)

So, here goes:

Unrack the weight: WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING WITH THIS WEIGHT??? I'm grunting already... This is NOT good!!

Reps 1-3: this is NOT easy. Why is this weight on my back?

Reps 4-6: I feel it waaaaay too much and he's telling me to get down IN IT! IS HE CRAZY!! Yes, indeed he IS !

Reps 7-9: I am in pain. By the 9th rep, my mind is already past the point of SCREAMING at me and has left the building. This is not good... DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!

Reps 10-12: My entire body is screaming out in agony. I'm thinking, "DON'T QUIT!" but I am already sick to my stomach, and I am starting to wonder if I can get out the next 8 reps.

Reps 13-15: Yeah. This was a bad idea. I am no longer counting in 5s or even 3s but instead in 1s. I am panting and screaming. Myron is telling me, "LOWER!" And my quad pain has been replaces with monumental seething pain in my glutes and hams. The thought of quitting is so strong. The reps are slow but I want to RACE to the end of this set!!

Reps 16-17: SLOW and torturous. My ability to breath is by sheer habit ALONE. My heart is jumping about in my chest. Simply supporting the weight has become tedious. My entire body is shaking, forget just my legs! I'm wondering if I can make it to the garbage can next to me if I have to, and its looking like I just may have to as the nausea has resided squarely in my throat and is rising FAST!

Reps 18-20: My lower body is now numb. I am having a helluva time getting in the hole and rising out of it is a complete blur. Now EVERYTHING is excrutiatingly painful. Even standing there with the machine on my shoulders, breathing, squatting... all of it, ANGUISH. I won't allow this exercise or this session to beat me!! I scream in agony as I rise out of the hole. While breathing, I swear, I spit, I scream! I'm done? OF COURSE NOT!!! There's 2 more sets of the same followed by step ups with the weighted vest AND THEN plyos..

After all's said and done (and lots more cursing, screaming, spitting and panting have ensued), MT peels me off of the floor, brushes me off and sends me on my way to work. I hope my apologies to him do not appear devoid of sincerity. This was the first time I really turned "Linda Blair" on him! Although, deep down he knows I still love him... its really just the pain talking~

Just a thought:

What would I do if I wasn't doing this? Hmmm....

2005-12-13T22:08:00.000-05:00

OH! Holy.... S&*T

Let the taunting begin!

This season is for the birds... not only am I being tempted by Edee's cookies (see December 6th) but I've injured my hand (yup, rightie) and I seem to be lacking the ABILITY to pick up a weight!

Um, hello!!!

Is anyone aware that I'm supposed to be training here? Next thing you know, I'll be laying in bed with the flu (jeez, cancel that ONE out puhleez!)

My one savior... Myron! The man seems to innately KNOW what to say, at what time, at exactly what moment and IN THE CORRECT TONE for my mood... did someone mention MOOD! Look out! Next thing you'll know, My will be headed for Fear Factor trying to hawk his puss (best of luck Bervin!)... NO WAY! I cannot let THAT happen!

HAPPY HOLIDAZE!!!

2005-12-08T14:15:00.000-05:00

'Tis The Season...

....ah, here I sit and make my WISH LIST!! The things I cannot have but yet they remain on my list year after year... (well, the chocolate is much more attainable!). It is the season to make a list and check it twice and then burn it by the fire of the menorah candles...

I am thankful for my family, my friends, my health and of course, my MYRON! I am hurting (oh so good) and yet look forward to another session of pain tomorrow...

The wonders of the season, how they NEVER cease!!

2005-12-03T12:24:00.000-05:00

Has Anyone seen My MOTIVATION... ??!!

Oh joy... My motivation is in the toilet...

its raining.

its cold.

its grey.

And now there's only 21 more shopping days till Chrismahanakwanica (or some sort of variation of this)! I should be doing cardio, but alas I'm going SHOPPING!

What??? ME shop?? Who'da thunk THAT!!! C'mon people. You know its IN MY BLOOD (literally... thanks Albert!)

If I had this next to me, maybe I'd be IN THE GYM today!!

2005-11-30T08:13:00.000-05:00

HANG IN THERE!!

...Sometimes this picture is just how I'm feeling

"It is no sin to attempt and fail. The only sin is to not make the attempt."

~ Suellen Fried, Author

2005-11-29T13:28:00.000-05:00

Not For The FAINT Of Heart

"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

~Michael JordanBasketball Player

2005-11-28T10:11:00.000-05:00

You ARE What You Think!

"Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously and never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop this picture!"

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
1898-1993, Author, "The Power of Positive Thinking"

I REFUSE to let this minute joint issue become a set-back for me!! NO WAY! As Myron was so wise in telling me this morning (and of course, this is what I tell MY clients as well),

"Its your body's way of telling you that you need to REST..."

Thank you o' wise one! What would I do without you...???
In the meantime, there's cardio!

2005-11-27T21:44:00.000-05:00

I REALLY need a NAP!!

I have been in a state of repose ALL WEEKEND long (not quite like THIS but maybe he'd let me join him...) and still, NOT LONG ENOUGH.

I'm shot. Done. Sore, tired, worn-out. And I'm still at the very beginning.

Who the hell said the journey is the reward?

Here I sit, bitching. moaning. complaining even. Is ANYONE LISTENING??? I'm sure they are not.

Sorry Myron, ibuprofen isn't cutting it this time... what's new on the docket??

...Right now I'm feeling very much like, 'Perry, you're a dead man...'

2005-11-26T18:15:00.000-05:00

A GOOD hair day...

It can change your WHOLE perspective... and I'm happy about it, can't ya tell?

I also did LEGS on my own...now THAT'S something to really smile about! Part of my training was 5 sets of squats while supersetting with ab/adductors (altho I did not take my squats above 135). Overall, I'm happy with today's training.

On the other hand, my food has been crappy since Turkey Day... not enough and not as clean as I need to be. There's always tomorrow!

I've taken the last couple of days to peruse various fitness/body builiding sites to get some addt'l ideas about where I want to take my body. But my ability to personalize the visual images I see is almost nil. It seems all I can do right now is stare... Did I leave my resolve at the salon? Well, at least I'm smiling for now...

2005-11-25T08:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving Charlie Brown!!

I've survived another T-day! Those 10 hours will be the most coveted for some time! The memories will be the ones to sustain me in my darkest hours: images of sugar and starch ...One more time everyone: WHAT WAS I THINKING??
Ok, back to the grind. Where is my supportive boy when I REALLY need him? Eating LEFTOVERS and making sure I know they're HIS and only HIS in more ways than one! Sheesh... lighten up will ya? I GOT IT! Somehow I'm not feeling very supported...

But a shout-out to Edee: I'm not sure I'll be "whittled down to nothing" but I'm sure as hell gonna work it girl!

As was said back in 1983, 'Thanks for your support!'

2005-11-22T14:55:00.000-05:00

Bueller? Bueller?...

<----- THIS will keep me going (for MAYBE 5 minutes) but I still remain bereft of ALL life energy!! I'm convinced I was gonna truly pass out this morning and the kicker of it all was that Myron was goading me, pushing me and in the end, ultimately LOVING every minute of it!! Now, I know that I get giddy when I am able to push my clients to the edge but being on the receiving end of it this time is a WHOLE different experience. IT'S BRUTAL!! Tell me again why I chose this goal? Oh yeah, THE QUEST... its all in the quest... as my wonderfully sadistic trainer so deftly reminded me this morning. Here I was, panting, almost begging for another 15 seconds of rest... 15 seconds mind you!! Who knew that this amount of time would be sooooooooooo coveted as to elicit such beseeching and supplicating from my own mouth at 7:30am. Whooda thunk that I'd be THIS humble... ah, so now the real reason as to this quest comes to light!! Ig, bet you never thought you'd see this day, let alone the 'truf' in writing?!
Today I will present Myron with the accolades he truly deserves. These are for his never-tiring ability to wrench me from the depths of my quasi-cozy empire, kicking and SCREAMING into the arena of agonizing anguish. How's THAT for painting a pix eh?

2005-11-21T21:12:00.000-05:00

I'm PISSED and getting PISSIER ((pissier? HUH? ))!!

Question: How the HELL am I gonna get motivated to do p.m. cardio for the next 4 months when its 30*/frigid, rainy and WINDY outside and all I wanna do is come home and lay on the couch? Oh, this is NOT good...

2005-11-21T11:32:00.000-05:00

And the AWARD Goes To...

I barely survived the w/e with Auntie... my G-D that woman is ACTIVE at 81!!!!!!! I couldn't wait to come home to REST!!!

I had no problem with my food except everyone around me kept eating bread and dessert.

I definitely did not eat enough but what I did eat was well within my nutritional plan. I was only able to do one day of cardio (for 50 mins) and was thankful I was able to get that in. Today its back to the grind. Being a short week (work-wise) I'm looking forward to being able to rest and relax Wed. nite-Thurs.

Myron wants to take pix tomorrow... GAK! But we hafta start somewhere right? I picked up a pretty good fitness mag to help me to better visualize different body parts and poses that I can work on. This will help me to get to where I want to be for MY goals...

2005-11-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

Volunteering is good for the Soul

So we spent the evening at the Festival of Trees/CHOA parade meeting with Lodell and hubs .

This was a TOUGH day.

It started out with a full morning of clients, then onto a meeting with my staff and boss, then training with My. I was unable to eat enough today and after training I did not save enough time to eat correctly as I opted for a NAP (thanx My...you really DID 'injure me critically' as I was unable to stand in the shower w/o having to lie down FIRST for 1/2 hour!)

Then it was off to the meeting where they had the WRONG food for my diet... but I did what I could (aint diggin' on the swine with the shellfish, I'm tellin' ya that!).

I definitely ate. However, the desire to imbibe more than 6oz of vino later in the evening was VERY VERY strong but I was able to OVERCOME...(I'm telling you this: suprisingly stronger than the desire to partake in creme brulee right now, SHOCKER!!). I'm off to pack and prepare to fly out to Auntie's house early in the a.m.

Lessee if I can avoid all the temptations tossed my way this w/e... the challenges are endless!

2005-11-17T10:16:00.000-05:00

And what a DAY ...!

You have all made comments to me via email but I'm STILL waiting for you guys to comment on the blog site so I can get a chuckle every time I visit... And here's something new for you... My's pix (yes Lisa, the PROOF is there!! ha ha!). The man is inspirational and motivating... If anyone is in the market for a male trainer, HE IS your man!!

Ok, enough about him, let's talk about me... !!(That's from supportive boy) Going to hafta do some WORK to stay on track with my nutrition this w/e as I will be away in VA Beach and will not be able to prep my own food... this WILL be a challenge! But I will definitely appreciate the rest from the gym. This will probably be the last time I will be able to 'get me some' (rest) throughout the course of the next 3 mos.

2005-11-16T23:41:00.000-05:00

Will The Superhero Please Stand Up?!

Myron: motivation for my EARLY A.M. thrashings
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-16T23:24:00.001-05:00

BEFORE Sugar Deprivation...

...I'm smiling!!
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-16T23:24:00.000-05:00

Who Said Pizza isn't a COMPLETE Meal??

The supportive 'boy'
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-16T08:58:00.000-05:00

Ahh, The Joys of Lamentation...

5: 58am

Here I sit at my computer with my egg whites and a LITTLE bit of cheese (and oh! let us not forget the yummy ketchup!! WHOO HOO).

The Boy (aka: boyfriend) has a tendency to act as a siren call back into the rack most mornings so I am FORCED to stay at my own house in order to meet my a.m responsibilities...This morning, I am preparing to go train a new client when all I really want to do is climb back into bed as it is POURING outside.

It would also seem that every muscle in my body is screaming this morning... Between Myron putting his 'Detroit Destoyer' trix on me and my penchant for self torture when it comes to cardio, I'll be surprised if I can MAKE it though her first training session today let alone being able to drag myself to the gym afterwards. Oh yeah, and then there's that 4 letter thing after that: W-O-R-K. -------------> ACK!

I need some energy here people!

Let the day begin!

2005-11-13T14:01:00.000-05:00

Like A Virgin...

My first entry for my fitness blog: the journal for my fitness photo shoot we are planning in some weeks. Through the urging from my trainer Myron (see 'super hero' ), I am documenting my progress. He thinks I will want to get up on stage for a contest but I continue to assure him that I will not… I simply want to take my body to the pinnacle of my fitness conditioning and document that with pictures.

I got through my first week w/o SUGAR and further cleaned up my diet in the process!! Well, ok, I actually must admit that I did put a tootsie roll in my MOUTH but couldn't go through with it... I imagined /pictured my goals and realized that I had to continue to change my eating habits and nutrition if I want to reach them. Unfortunately, my old friend, 'refined sugar' has NO PLACE in my acquisition of those goals. OH! THE SADNESS and the loss!!

On a more personal note, my wonderfully supportive boyfriend K-man YYY DID tell me he’s dieting along with me!! However, despite these words of apparent intended truth, he is definitely going to be a challenge all on his own. I come home to find him ordering PIZZA or subs… a COMPLETE buzz kill!!! Here I sit with my salmon and green veggies for din!

Ah, let the challenges begin! %

As for my training... this is a whole other story altogether:

I have issues in my right shoulder/lat and my left hamstring. These are DEFINITELY thwarting my progress and are escalating my frustration as well. Myron, who is an incredible man and trainer:
· Patient
· Innovative
· soooo knowledgeable
· compassionate
· challenging
· warm
· tough
· motivating
works to minimize my localized aches/pains but I have that MICROWAVE mentality and want to be rid of these weak points NOW!

I can see very slight changes in my body this week but again, my microwave mentality f is alive and well. As it kicks into high gear I have to remember that although I want more, I AM making progress and I WILL reach my goal! As usual, I need continuous work on my own patience N

I must acknowledge my biggest fear at present: that I will not achieve that muscular, hard, shredded body I crave for my goal... But then I think,

‘If Myron continues to take me to that DAMN 'gray zone' I was in this week while training then I can be SURE that it will be achieved but I may need to invest in a hand-held garbage can h just in case!’